The Secret Order of Hipster Burnouts

THE ORDER: Seldom Higgins, Tulip McCoy, Mince Daniels and Wingnut Brown

THE PREMISE: During a Maypole ritual at the OHB headquarters, Seldom Higgins, in a fit of rage over the absence of vinyl records, throws the sacred salt shaker. The salt shaker is sullied. The order will be ruined unless someone can locate more salt from the Great Hipster Coffee Shop in the Sky (rumored to be flying over Wicker Park, Chicago as we speak).